Identity

After participating and winning NaNoWriMo, I left writing alone for a while. I wanted time to think and breathe again, to refill my muse, if you will, before I actually finished my novel. Unfortunately, the past few weeks have not been particularly restful or ideal for daydreaming an ending for my NaNo.

Instead, I have been swamped with concerts, school, and various Christimasy things that demand time and energy. This past week has been especially bad, a flurry of the unproductive. I’m beyond thankful that Christmas break has begun. If I don’t unwind, I’ll snap like a used rubber band.

Interestingly, I found myself pondering non-fiction writing for the first time in quite a while. It came when I was considering the terrifying fact that another year has passed. Since my birthday is at the very beginning of a new year, I have the opportunity to ponder both another new calender year and another year of my life. I’m not sure what the connection is between my recent musings and the life questioning that begins in the week of the new year. However, there is one somewhere. It’s just buried.

I draw inspiration from the strangest places. One thing that hit me was actually from Cartoon Network’s “Lego Ninjago.” The majority of it is cliche, but I watch it with my little siblings despite its shortcomings. At one point, the characters are searching for their “full potential” (which is never really explained, I must add).

When the ninja called Zane discovers that he is a robot, he is numb with shock and refuses to leave with his friends. Examining his blueprints, he reactivates his memory and remembers his father for the first time. This knowledge soothes him, and he runs out to join his friends, only to find them under attack.

When the battle goes in favor of their enemy, Zane begins to float and then faces his enemy. “Nothing can hold me back now!” he shouts. “I know who I am!”

Freeze for a moment. Have you ever felt like that?

In this culture, people, especially young people, are pressured to be the same as those around them and yet celebrate differences, the unique design of every person. You can be anything you want to be. The only rule is that no rules should be put on who you are.

We, as inhabitant of this culture, often try to find ways to define ourselves. Based on what you like, what you listen to, what you watch, what you eat and what you don’t, what you look like, what you read, what your passion is, what four letter sequence that supposedly describes your personality… The list is endless. I find it amusing as I struggle to find the perfect words to describe who I am. It makes me wonder if words are not powerful enough to classify personalities.

I am blonde. I am homeschooled. I am crazy. I am a fangirl. I’ve read this. I’ve seen that. I can’t dance. Etc.

The need to classify oneself is addicting, is it not?

And here’s the conclusion I reached.

“I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

In the end, I will stand before the judgement seat, and it will not matter if I am blonde, if I sing, or if I can’t dance. Everything that I have ever been or claimed to be will not be of consequence.

All that will matter is that my old self is dead, and my Jesus has rescued me.

“My life is hid with Christ on high, with Christ, my Savior and my God.”

That’s where my identity lies, and it is there that I will grow.

 

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Psalm 34

1 I will bless the Lord at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
and let us exalt his name together!

I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
10 The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

11 Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
16 The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
20 He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
21 Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

(emphasis mine)

I originally was planning on posting just verse 18, but after reading the whole psalm, I couldn’t not do the whole thing. The emphasized parts are the ones that sum me up at the moment, and the doubly emphasized parts are, well, the doubly emphasized parts. 😛 I think there’s no need to to mention what that must mean. I’ll let you speculate.

*tilts head sideways* Hmm. It’s kinda hard to see where it’s double empathized. Oh well.

Don’t you just love it when God gives you a passage, and you instantly snap back into focus.
God is there.
He cares.
And He understands.
Even when no one else does.

melody-sig-1

Perfectionism

Hiya.

I know, I know….I haven’t blogged for a long time, and, so it seems, I actually have an explanation.

Perfectionism.

Before I write a full post on the subject, I would like your opinion, small amount of readers.

When you see that word, what does it mean to you? Love or hate? Wish you had it?

Blessings,

Mercy

Mercy

Hello, readers! My name <read: nickname> is Mercy. This is my “journal”, for lack of a better word, about my thoughts on life. May it bring glory to God.

“Why “Mercy”?” You might ask. “Never heard of that name.”

According to Wikipedia, “mercy” means price paid, or wages. In other words, bought. I was bought.

I was bought from slavery to sin. I wasn’t free. I was bought from a punishment I deserved. I was hopelessly apart from God, the meaning of life. I was bought.  I was paid for…by the son of God’s innocent, perfect blood. How He loves! It was nothing I ever did or could do. He loves me because He IS love. I was made for His glory, and I want to live like it.

Will you join me?