Quiet Heart

And just like that, the one thing you were looking forward to all year is over.

I’m still readjusting to my normal time zone, still tripping over stuff I haven’t unpacked, and my head is still spinning.

You see, my adventure wasn’t just fun. I learned something very important.
It’s always good to do the right thing, even if no one’s watching.
Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
That’s called integrity, and it’s worth having.

But my head is still spinning, like the days that follow after Christmas.
All I want to do is sleep. In sleep, my brain will stop racing. I can slow down enough to gather myself so I can function as a normal human being.
But I can’t just sleep my days away to escape life. There are things that must be done, but my mind is too heavy.
And I need more that a quiet, rested mind. I need a quiet, rested heart.

Here’s the prayer I had for my adventure. Here’s the prayer I have for tomorrow and the day after that.

“Father, I know that all my life
Is portioned out for me.
The changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see.
I ask thee for a present mind
Intent on pleasing Thee.

“I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or some great thing to know.
I would be treated as a child
And guided where I go.

“I ask Thee for a daily strength
To none that ask denied.
A mind to blend with outward life
While keeping at Thy side,
Content to fill a little space
If Thou be glorified.

“In service that Thy will appoints,
There are no bonds for me.
My secret heart is taught the truth
That makes Thy children free.
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.”
~Anita L. Waring – 1850


You know…

life is more than a heartbeat.

Life is in the second and the minute, the everyday and the year.
Life is the mundane and the special, the average and the extraordinary.
Life is in the laughter in the morning and the quiet sobs past midnight, the joys and the sorrow that pass through your heart more swiftly than blood.
Life is when you fly and when you fall, in reaching the stars and in not quite.
Life is in the easy choices and the hard, in saying yes and in saying no.

And sometimes, life is saying no to what your corrupted heart desires.

Life is hearing the voice your prideful heart had forgotten, hearing him whisper, “You are mine.”
Life is knowing why you were made.
Life is knowing you were fashioned one way and you cannot be another.
Life is realizing that the world will turn without you.
Life is lifting up what you have and giving.
Life is being content to fill a little space, if he is glorified.
Life is knowing who took your lifeless shell and breathed life in it again, who took your hand and lifted you from the grave.
Life is knowing who died to transform your stony heart into a heart that beats, that lives, that loves.

Life is loving, because he loves. Life is living, because he lives.

Life is more than a heartbeat.
Life is your soul.

Right now

~reading: Dante’s Purgatory
 birthday donuts, peanut butter crackers, salted almonds
~smelling: dryer sheets, coffee
~dwelling on: a return to soccer
~listening to: my school playlist (Piano Guys, Avicii, Avenger’s theme, Captain America soundtrack, random bluegrass, Ed Sheeran, Neil Finn, Outset Island theme, Metroid, and Portal ending songs)
~feeling: rather sore from soccer practice last night, sick from donuts and the smell of last night’s supper
~dreaming: dystopian sequels (again…why can’t I leave it alone?)
~considering: the sheer amount of school that there is to do, attending robotics tomorrow, exciting surprises
~excited for: cool weekend activities, new movies and music
~wishing for: more sunshine, movie tickets, clarity of thought, the guts to sit down and write (at my computer, not on my phone), the ability to drink more coffee without buying myself a headache, time to teach myself to play guitar (so I can cover I See Fire)
~practicing: stretching, convention music, recital piece, patience when things don’t go my way
~I really should: drink more water, eat more than just protein supplements every 90 minutes, take a nap, read a non-school book as part of nightly routine, buy new earbuds
~emailing: awesome friends who put up with me (y’all know who you are -.- )
~wearing: grey sweatpants, pink and yellow stripy shirt (that I tie-dyed), soft blue sweater, my cross necklace that I wear always (except when I sleep. Strangling oneself is not recommended), and my old green watch. Oh, and yucky blue earbuds
~loving: my siblings, who have the remarkable ability to drive me both toward sanity and away from it (usually at the same time), new opportunities and horizons
~pondering: why I felt the need to write this post

why did i do this? 

{inspired by Hannah Nicole

Happy New Year

Have you seen the Google tribute to 2013? (Watch it here) Also, you can see a collage of the most searched for names and items this year.

Ah, yes. We’ve said goodbye to some notable people, such as Margaret Thatcher and Nelson Mandela (and a cute actor, apparently). We’ve said hello to a royal baby. We’ve done the Harlem Shake, and we still don’t know what the fox says. And several brave, brave pro athletes and others have spoken out about their private lives. “When you get to the point of acceptance, there is nothing more beautiful.”

Bars at the bottom of the New Year’s countdown list the most heartbreaking celebrity breakups of the year.
Miley Cyrus stuck out her tongue at me.
Strangers kissed to kick off 2014.
Oh, pop culture. Where would we be without you?

In other news, God is still good.
He is still working in this broken world.
Through all the degradation, all the vulgarity, all the good, and all the bad.
He will have his way this year, and every year to come.
God will not be thwarted.

What did He do for you last year?